25 Years of Christmas Cards

Whether you've been getting my cards for 25 years, or one, or stumbled on this page looking for jewelry, I hope you enjoy this look back at my Christmas cards. In 1984, I was looking for a good Christmas card and out of frustration blurted, "Heck, I could probably make a better card than these!" I was quickly escorted out of the card store. But that moment started my 25 year adventure in Christmas cards. I've probably embarrassed myself more than a few times but who hasn't around the holidays?

Shelby has been my 'Art Director' for about 19 years, so she shares some of the blame. Cards not done on the computer were scanned years ago; unfortunately, I did not note the year or the saying printed on the inside. The early hand drawn cards were copied in black and white, then individually hand colored with green and red markers. Due to the number of moves I've made in the past 25 years and computers I've had, several cards were lost. Five years ago, Dirt and Rosi gave me a binder with a collection of much of my various cards and artwork (yes, I typed that with a straight face). Luckily, 3 or 4 of them were Christmas cards that I had lost, which I scanned and included here. A big thank you, Dirty Al and Rosi, I'll be sending you some shirts around New Years. Please go to the Guestbook page to post a comment or criticism, good or bad, or to answer any of the questions below. Note: All Guestbook entries will be viewable on the Guestbook page; if you would rather email me personally, go right ahead: shelbyandcostastudio@gmail.com

I cannot thank Shelby enough for her invaluable, unwavering support, suggestions, and delicious sense of silly. It's been a blast!

1984 "All I want for Christmas is the two front seats." The first Christmas card. Who knew reindeers had such long eyelashes! If I was a child, one might find this card cute, or something. But, jeez, I was 30 years old! Inside: I can't imagine, I already say Merry Christmas on the front.

	1985 One of my favorites. The color version here is scanned and colored with photoshop; original cards were each hand colored. Later became a ~~best-selling~~ sweatshirt. Inside: ...to the world.


1986 A winterized version of my wildly popular (almost 2 dozen printed!) Is Summer Great or What? t-shirts. In the summer version, a smiling dude with oversized LBI sunglasses holds up a martini (again with the martinis!) as he dives off a dock into the water. Here, a smiling dude with ski poles and a pair of holiday-themed goggles jumps off a ski ramp into the waiting snow. Please don't ask me why this guy's arms are smaller than his nose. Inside: Happy holidays, I guess.


1988 I could have used an art director for this one who would have told me not to write the heading in my scrawny script. Some people didn't understand the bowler's house and neither do I. Should have added three holes to the snowballs to make them look like bowling balls. Shoulda, coulda, woulda... Inside: Something about hoping YOUR house is full of holiday cheer. I think.

1989 This was one of the last cards before I met Shelby. You can see how much I needed help. The back of the card reads: "Originally, I wanted to do this card on a computer so the typeface would look realistic. My free time(?), however, evaporated faster than a snowflake in a microwave, thus preventing a quick trip to Wayne-o Ripoff Productions and his waiting Apple. My hand lettering, once compared to Fred Flinestone's, will just have to suffice." If I had gotten a three year old to do this, it would have been a big improvement. Some of the headlines were bordered with a red or green marker, but still, this has to be one of my worst looking cards. Remember, I had just turned 35 years old! How embarrassing. Inside: My copy is blank, so I assume I wrote something very original like Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

	circa 1990 (I'm pretty sure it's 1990 but how often can you use the word 'circa'? Say it enough times and you sound like a bird) In 6 short years, my reindeer has not only lost his long eyelashes, but really, really resents Santa. The red part of Santa's suit in the crook of his elbow appears to be some kind of webbing; maybe he could have used that for Superhero Santa (see Santa Makeover Rejects below). The white blotches on the reindeer is just from this being an old card that was scanned, not some reindeer fungus condition. This card printed by Wayne-o for free (or beer maybe), which is why I couldn't complain about the webbing thing. Inside: Hope all your Christmas dreams come true.


1993 Apparently, the 'hypnotic graphics' allowed me to somehow sneak the triple X adult hot line past my art director. Inside: Not sure; if you know, let me know and I'll send you a sweatshirt.


1994 I was told this card was not my best and I don't agree. I think it is my WORST, even worse than North Pole Enquirer. At least NPE had potential. I guess I thought it would be funny to see Rudolph retired or get his take on that fateful night. My last card done all by hand. Inside: My copy is blank, so I must have wrote "Merry Christmas" or something.

	1995 Sorry, you may need a magnifying glass for this one but it's my only copy. I may have been making some kind of statement here about sports heroes ("All Stars"); trading cards depicting parolees and 'fun facts' about their insurance fraud charges. Or it could just be a silly Christmas card ridiculing a fictional character, reducing the likelihood of libel charges. And why 88 elves? The idea that there are the same number of elves as there are keys on a piano somehow made sense to me. Inside: Don't know, I only scanned the front. If anyone knows, let me know, I'll post it here and we can all get a good night's sleep. I'll send you a shirt suitable for waxing your car.

Sometime between 1996 and 2001 Pretty straight-forward concept here: Santa hires a makeover artist who comes up with these ideas for a new look (and probably career). These ideas are rejected by Santa. I admit, Superhero probably needed a cape. Inside: I'm drawing a blank here. Hoping your holiday isn't a reject?! Let me know and be the first on your block to sport one of my new 2010 design t-shirts.

	Sometime between 1996 and 2001 Is he towering over the whole castle, or just the parapet? I'll never tell. First, and I think only, card done entirely on CorelDraw. I know, I know, who really cares? Inside: Silent Knight


circa 1998 Shelby was working at a major cosmetic company in NYC and was able to obtain some real 'peel and sniff' labels which we placed on the inside of the card. Our smelliest card, by far. Inside: Well, it's the picture on the right, I thought that was obvious.

	1999 Well, I certainly feel the fool! On the back of this card it says: "With apologies to Rene Magritte's La Grande Guerre (The Great War)". But the Magritte painting I was parodying is called The Son of Man (click here). I didn't know this until this week! Now, I know I checked this online at the time; but remember this was less than 2 weeks before Y2K, so I'm thinking that pre-Y2K problems are responsible for this mix-up. Lots of concerned looks at Christmas like I was losing it or something. Now I realize what those looks meant all along: How could you possibly mix up The Great War with The Son of Man?! It only took 10 years, but now I finally get it! Inside: Season's Magritte-ings!

2000 If you don't remember the presidential elections of that year, then this card makes no sense. But at least it's your own fault, not mine. Several people asked if Bald Spot Guy was based on them. Well, no, my pen just ran out of ink. Inside: "...not 'he's doing a recount.'

	Around 2001 (I think) The haiku card earned me some more strange looks at Christmas! I became interested in haiku, a form of Japanese non-rhyming poetry, when it was posted on the marquees of porn theaters on 42nd street while they were being refurbished during the Disneyfication of Times Square. Hey, I get inspiration wherever I can. I was pleased to see that kids recognized the haiku form: three lines with a 5-7-5 syllable count. Their parents, however, just hid their liquor from me. I think this was my only Japanese poetry-themed Christmas card inspired by porn theaters. Inside: Merry Christmas and a Haiku New Year.

2002 Rave reviews for this card, meaning I was allowed rum in my egg nog again. No particular inspiration; I just started with Rudolph's nose being a 'Destructo-Ray' and went from there. I also remember spending a very long time on photoshop with this one. Inside: May peace on Earth become more than a special effect.

	2003 (?) If I'm Ebenezer Scrooge's agent, I think a gig selling steel toe boots is a great fit for him. This card started with my wanting to make a joke about fruitcakes. (I admit I traced some of Ebby's features because my Ebenezer always looked too happy.) Inside: Like Ebby says, Shake your booty!


2004 (give or take) Some people just take their decorations a bit too far. I had to make a card about them. Inside: I don't remember. A little help...?

	2005 Shelby made me promise to never make another 'thinking outside the box' joke. Looking back, I can see why. Inside: The best gifts don't come in a box.

	2006 Even though he doesn't look quite like an Oregon tree farmer, I was pleased with this card. At least you recognize Rudolph, right? Right? Inside: Christmas is in the air.



2007 Sketch on the left, final card on the right. Nice that I decided Santa only needed one martini to mess up on Wheel. Poor Santa; I've spread rumors about his addictions, shown how his reindeer hate him, put him in a Magritte painting, shown him as a sell-out with an XXX hot-line, shown his makeover rejects, have him attacking Godzilla, and now a tipsy game show contestant who not only embarrasses himself, but he misses a trip to Jamaica. Better luck next year, Santa! Inside: Here's wishing your holidays are a real trip.


2008 Sorry Santa, I couldn't resist, you're the butt of the joke again! I didn't want people to think I did this card on photoshop. So I kept this drawing on the Etch-a-Sketch, moving it only when necessary and taking care not to shake it, for about 6 months. When someone came by I would show it to them and say, "See, it wasn't done on a computer." People would look at it and go, "Yeah, so? My 6 year old can do better than that." I couldn't argue with that, but I'm still proud of my sun. (Ohio Art, makers of Etch-A-Sketch, turned 100 years old in 2008) Inside: Fulfilling a separate dream, his elves experienced pure joy by cutting his bungee cord. Happy Holidays and a jumpin' New year!


2009 Yes, again, Santa! That's three years in a row I've used you for a laugh on a card. This year you're involved in a lawsuit, last year your elves cut your bungee cord. My first, and probably last, time featuring a giraffe. With time running short, I traced most of the giraffe from a photo; my giraffe kept coming out looking like a horse whose mother was a dinosaur. The stars on the top of the card were deleted before printing, or so I thought. You can barely see them on the printed card, it looks more like the printer was running out of ink. Inside: Happy Holidays.
Was that 25 cards? No. If you've been keeping count, that's only 23 cards. I did skip a year in the late '80s; I had a major headache that took a year and a half to go away. So I seem to be missing one card in this collection. If anyone has the card, for some reason, or remembers what the card was, please let me know.
A few rejected card ideas: I wanted to do one as an ad for Holiday Botox, where you can get a botox injection in the shape of a holiday ornament. A cookie cutter-type gizmo pressed against your skin would hold the shape of the botox during injection. Imagine a puffed up angel or snowflake on your forehead or cheek. Shelby said nothing after I brought it up several times, but she never really laughed or warmed up to it. I've always thought I would do a connect the dots card but I think it sounds better than it would actually be. Alright, maybe it doesn't even sound good either... I was going to have Rudolf getting laid off as a dark room assistant due to the rising popularity of digital photography. His job was to stand with his head sticking into the darkroom and his glowing red nose would be the dark room's red light. The challenge was the right holiday-themed punchline dealing with rising unemployment and digital photography.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and here's to the next 25 years!